Two months too long since my last Journal entry. It's after 1am, on a Tuesday night. This is my weekend, since I'm off every Wednesday and Thursday. So much has happened. I broke up with Max about 3 times, went back to the Mormon church for a week, have started classes, am back with Max, though it's not quite the same. He had me on a pedestal, admiring me with no criticism or judgment. I've lost that privilege. He told me three weeks ago, before we got back together, that he still loved me, but wasn't in love with me anymore. Ouch. I wept, and longed to have it back the way it was. For 6 weeks I tried to get him back, forfeiting dates, sending him love songs on Facebook, asking him to movies and dinner, which he did go to with me. Anyways, it was a guy at work that asked me out that finally helped Max decide to try again with me. He asked me out, and I told Max I had said no before to other guys because I was waiting for him to come around, but I was starting to finally doubt he would come back to me, so I thought I would go on this date, and if I did my heart would probably grow further away from him. He cried. "Ask me not to go on this date until you make up your mind about me and I won't go". "Can I let you know tomorrow" he said. "Ya. You can let let me know tomorrow. You just don't want me to call him tonight!". "You saw that comin" he said.So the next day I drove from Medina Lake where I was dogsitting for my grandma to the Alamo Drafthouse to watch 2 Guns with Max. He was acting so nice, and scooted close to me and rested his arm on my leg. I was hopeful. We drank a couple beers and I brought it up. "So...?". "Well I thought about it and decided..." major pause "don't go on the date. I want to try to work it out, but I want to take it slow this time". "Like just date?" "Ya". "I'm so happy!" I yelled. He chuckled. It was kinda rough the first week. I could tell he was doubting his decision, but things have gotten WAYYY better in two short weeks, so I am hopeful he will fall in love with me again. He told me I don't have to try so hard, so I've backed off a bit. He called me every day when I went to Fort Worth to visit my Aunt Liese and cousin Joanna because I told him to call me when he felt like it because I felt like I was bothering him sometimes. The only reason I broke up with him, the last time anyway, was because I thought I couldn't be with someone who doesn't believe in God, but Max is good. Really I was just protecting myself from getting hurt. I was fearful of that, so to prevent it I just broke it off. I really regret it, but things can always turn out for good if you want it to, of course he has to want it to also, so if we keep trying I think it'll be like it was. I remember our first kiss. We were at the Falls bar and dance club, and we were really into each other all night, and we walked out to the patio and our hands just gravitated to each other. We talked a bit, and were really close. We leaned in, and he asked "Can I kiss you?" 2nd best kiss of my life. We just kissed and kissed for 3 or 4 minutes, with people and excitement all around, a fountain flowing nearby. I'll always remember that kiss no matter what happens. If he breaks up with me I'll survive, but I so want it to work out.
